The Little Stepmom

Support for Stepmom's & stepfamilies

How to Gain Revenge On Your Narcissistic Ex

I know! I know! You’re thinking what?!? This woman is all about being the bigger person, taking the high road, being the best positive you that you can be and now she’s talking about revenge! Yep! I am.

I am going to share with you how I made my ex crumble and lose interest in me aka leave me the hell alone! Many of us are purely entertainment to a narcissistic Ex, their fun and games is our torture, so really the only thing we want is for them to leave us alone.

Enter revenge stage right! The star of this chapter and how I took my life back.

1. Know your worth! Narcissists spend a lot of time beating you down and making you feel worthless. That’s their way of making you feel how they feel, but would never admit. Therefore, holding your head high will annoy the shit out of them!

2. When in public, around family and friends, point out when they are wrong. It could be big or small it will all hit them the same. Don’t be rude or obnoxious just calmly point out their error and move on. Be patient and wait for the opportunity, they will say plenty of B.S. and you will be waiting for the moment to politely correct them.

3. Use what you know about them. If they think they are great at something compliment someone else about that topic. For example, if your ex thinks she is the best mother alive compliment someone else in front of her for being a good mom. If your ex thinks he’s an amazing driver compliment his friend on his fantastic parallel parking job. It might sound small, but it will make them boil.

4. Don’t give them the time of day. When they talk act disinterested, maybe even start talking over them to someone else, or walk away. What they say isn’t important to you anyways.

5. Don’t let them use you. They will abuse you and then expect you to do everything they need or want. Try saying sure to their requests then blow them off. —-yeah sure I’ll pick you up— don’t show. Why? Because they think they are the most important thing in your world this reminds them they are not. It’s especially good if you blow them off for something pretty insignificant – it says running to the store for cookies was really more important than picking you up.

These are subtle ways for you to drive your narcissist ex crazy and get the revenge you deserve without compromising your morals. 😉

25 Positive Morning Affirmations For Stepchildren & Stepmoms

Stepchildren have to go through some extra struggles in life. They all handle what life throws at them a little differently. For the children who lose faith in themselves or begin questioning their own self-worth you, stepmom, can help guide them back to confidence with a boost of positive love.

When I see my little sweet pea struggling I help her remind herself of how awesome she is. I let her see me reminding myself also so she doesn’t “feel funny” talking to herself. I stand in front of the mirror in the morning right after I brush my teeth and I say, out loud, some positive self-loving affirmations. Sometimes I casually say them as I brush my hair out or put on my makeup.

For example, I might say, “I am a rockstar, I am happy, I am going to do great at work today” and my little sweet pea might say “I am funny, I helpful, I am going to do great on my spelling test today!” I repeat the confidence boosting affirmations 3 or 4 times.

Here is a list of self-loving, confidence boosting, positive affirmations you and your stepchildren can say…

1. I am a rockstar

2. I am a good friend

3. I am good listener

4. I am important

5. I am loved

6. I am happy

7. I am doing my best

8. I am going to do great on my test

9. I studied hard and will do good today

10. I am brave

11. I am proud of myself

12. I am capable of anything I put my mind to

13. I tell the truth

14 I am generous

15. I like to help others

16. I love my body just the way it is

17. I am beautiful inside and out

18. People like me for me

19. I care about other people

20. I am kind

21. I am loving

22. I am smart

23. All of my parents love me and I love them

24. It feels good to be loved

25. Today is a great day for a great day!

We also like to throw in some funny statements and make each other laugh. One day, I woke up feeling a little under the weather and I was really dreading going to work but hearing my little sweet stepdaughter say “Today is going to be a great day, I love myself, even my stinky farts” made me laugh and smile. I hugged her tight and told her that she makes everyday better and I think hearing that made her day. We both left the house with a smile and had great days.

I feel very strongly that starting the day off saying positive affirmations sets you up for a good day! I believe that you get what you give. I give my best, positive, kind self to the universe and that’s what I get back. The more love I give the more I receive.

Give it a try even if you think you found silly at fist keep going! Shout it out loud for the world to hear! You are a freaking rockstar who’s going to have a stellar day filled with happiness! Now get out there and kick butt today!

You got this mama!

Ask The Little Stepmom: My Stepson Started Wetting The Bed

Today’s Featured Question

Dear Little Stepmom,

My stepson is 5 years old and has been living with his biological mom for most of the past year (she refused to follow the court orders). His Dad has been fighting for custody or more time (enforcement of the orders) but, during the court battle his mom has kept him away from us. We finally have a set schedule and get to have him half the time. We are so happy to have him back in our life. It’s been painful to have him away.

The problem is since he moved back in with us he has started wetting the bed at night. He had not been wetting the bed before his mom took him from us. His mom says he wasn’t wetting the bed at her house and she says he isn’t wetting the bed at her house now either. I have a hard time believing her because my stepson says he’s been having accidents at her house too.

It’s been about 5 weeks now and he has accidents once or twice a week here. Do you have any suggestions on how we can help him or why he’s started having problems? I know it hasn’t been that long but we do not want to let the problem get out of hand by ignoring it.

Sincerely,

Concerned & Running Out of Sheets

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We’re a Family Even if We Live in Two Homes

Raising children isn’t easy but, throw in divorce, feelings of resentment, fear, jealousy, custody schedules, and shuffling between homes and your children can start to feel like they have lost their family.

Helping your children remember that they will always have a Mom & Dad even if they don’t live together is important for them. It can be difficult at times to remind them and encourage them when their other parent is not your favorite person to put it nicely.

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Where It All Started, The First Date

When I met my husband I was all cheesy, love at first sight, head over heels, butterflies fluttering, couldn’t catch my breath, giggly school girl. I know I know YUCK! But it’s true, I knew I wanted to marry him the first time I saw him.

Sounds amazing right? Well, it was amazing and complicated and a little scary because mixed in with all my butterflies fluttering around me was my ex-husband, his ex-wife, a beautiful little girl, a whole slew of in-laws/parents, a gaggle of people’s opinions, court dates, rules, a lot of emotions flying, and a freaking cute dog.

I had to be very honest with myself. Should I even go on a first date with this man? What if it is amazing  and works out? What if it works out so well that someday we want to get married? That would make me a Stepmom and I didn’t know if I could do that. Can I love a man and his child? A child I didn’t make who won’t look like me. Will I be able to treat her like my own and keep her from feeling like a stepchild or outsider in my life? What if she doesn’t like me? What kind of life will we have if his ex-wife is always around? Will she cause problems? Will we get along someday? These are just a few of the questions that flooded my mind as I got ready for our first official date. Some pretty heavy shit compared to the normal what dress should I wear. CONTINUE READING

5 Things Every Daughter Should Hear From You

I am filled with endless thoughts everyday about my beautiful stepdaughter. I wonder how she’s doing at school and if she’s making friends. I worry about others bullying her just because, I know the world is full of bullies. I pray she knows how much I love her, how much her dad loves her, how much her biomom loves her, and I pray she knows that she can love all of us without ever feeling guilt. I think about how she’s growing up and becoming a young lady and all the challenges she will face.

I wish I could protect her from the pains that come with growing up, but I can’t. She will have to feel some hurt and learn some lessons on her own. It’s part of life and growing up, but there are a few things I can ensure she knows and learns from me.

1. You Are Beautiful! Yes, hunny your face is beautiful, I look at you and see parts of your parents in you and some parts that are uniquely you, but you are more than a pretty face. You have a beautiful heart that bleeds for others at times. You are sensitive, soft, and full of love to give. The beauty within you is more important than your cute little ever-changing face. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.

2. It’s Not Your Job To Make Others Happy. It’s tempting at times to take the weight of others unhappiness onto your shoulders, but don’t. My happiness is not your job. Dad’s happiness doesn’t depend on you. Your Biomom’s happiness is not up to you. Your friends & family should not expect you to make them happy. Others may try to blame you or lay guilt on you because, they are unhappy, but do not let them fool you! YOU my dear are only in charge of YOUR own happiness. If anyone ever tries to make you feel at fault or guilty for their sadness walk away, because that is not on you and those people will drain you of your own happiness.

3. You Can Never Love Too Many People. Your heart is capable of loving infinite people. Anyone who tries to tell you that you can’t love someone is full of crap. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you how you should feel. Love anyone who deserves your love without condition and remember that loving one person doesn’t take away from others you love.

4. Always Be You. You my little Noodle, my chicken nugget, my baby bear, my joke-telling-goofball, you are perfect. It’s hard sometimes to be brave enough to be YOU and standout, but do it anyway! Show the world your unique ways, share your passions, and be different. There are a million little lemmings out there following each other right off the cliff (eating tide pods and snorting things I can’t even wrap my head around) don’t be them! You are smart, brave, funny, and unique! Embrace your sense of self and let that shine! Never let anyone make you feel embarrassed for being you because YOU ARE AMAZING!

5. I Love You No Matter What. We might not always get along or agree on everything, but who does? Our life together has been perfectly imperfect and overflowing with laugher, good memories, love, new traditions, and never-ending adventures. We  have grown close over the years and I love you as if you were my own child. We may not share DNA or eye color, but I share my heart with you.

No matter what anyone every tells you or what we go through I will always be there for you and love you with all my heart. I will always stand-up for you and have your back. I will forever keep your secrets and be a shoulder to cry on. I will probably get mad at you some days, but know that when I ground you for coming home late I will still love you. There’s a place in my heart reserved for you that will always be there no matter what. We are family. ❤️

XOXO,

The Little Stepmom

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